TRAVS TO RICHES
The perennial league bottom has been plucked from the clutches of the Waxball Calendevil, leaving a commissioner in his place.
As always, I’m your middle-of-the-road-in-both-standings-and-attractiveness, completely neutral statman Nicholas Hamilton. Let’s wrap up Week 8 of Waxball 2025.
KRISTINA CHARGES FORTH
When the Vikings were pummeled by the Chargers on Thursday night, Minnesota fan Erik (Kristina Perdue; 144.38pts) was left in purgatory as he found himself rooting for four (4) LA offensemen in his matchup against Miles (Daddy Campbell; 117.98pts). It paid off as, even though Miles started Chargers QB Justin Herbert, Erik’s four starters totalled for 67.6pts on their own. This catapulted him to the highest score of the week, a feat he’s now achieved for the second consecutive week.
The two-word-mom’s-name spell continues to prove accurate, as now-5th-place Erik has won three in a row, averaging 142.66pts in that streak. After a tough start to the season, he’ll look to continue this newfound dominance (albeit without an injured Skattebo) in Week 9 as he takes on 4th-place Blue (blueballs; 5-3).
As for commissioner Miles, his second loss on the trot pulls him down to 2-6 and into last place for the first time since Week 3. It’s also the first time anyone but Trav (yumyucker; 3-5) has been in 12th since the third week. Daddy Campbell and Christian (Steeler Virginity; 11th) become the only managers at 2-6, before they face off in a bottom-of-the-table duel in Week 9.
YUMYUCKER
^emphasis on the yum
Trav (yumyucker; 137.12pts) and his finally active receivers may well be having the resurgence he’s been promising, as James Cook’s 33.6pts helped him to the second-highest score of the week and his highest of the season since last week’s 116.78pt total. This is Trav’s first time this season scoring in the top half of any week.
It’s a small footnote, but both of Trav’s opponents in his Week 7 and 8 victories scored less than 100pts, contributing to his PA (Points Against) being the lowest in the league, as he’s faced an average of 106.86pts/week this season. Nevertheless, this win streak has lifted him up and away from last place for the first time since Week 3 as he ties on record with 9th-place Jakob (PapiCoop; 3-5).
After Sam (mistahbigdick; 99.02pts) came out of a slump to score a more-than-decent 127.52pts last week, he may have fallen back in as he scores the third-lowest total of the week and drops out of the playoff picture into 7th-place.
The two will both have high-ranking opponents in Week 9, as Sam faces league-leader Paul (helloimpaul; 6-2) and Trav finds 3rd-place Will (Leaping Jesters; 5-3).
PAUL FINALLY LOSES
The ginger ninja might just be human after all, as Paul (helloimpaul; 82.52pts) snapped his 4-game winning streak and put up less than 118pts for the first time since Week 3, his only other losing week. His total is the lowest score of the week, the first of the season for him and only his second time in the bottom half of the week’s totals.
He was taken down by Willy Price and the Leaping Jesters (123.02pts) as Jonathan Taylor’s 37.4pts help them find form again after their loss in Week 7, despite scoring 2.92pts less in Week 8.
Both Will and Paul maintain their 3rd and 1st respective places in the standings, before Will takes on 10th-place Trav (yumyucker; 3-5) and Paul faces 7th-place Sam (mistahbigdick; 4-4).
PARITY AGAIN
In a battle of the Jac/kobs, Mosko (fantasyboy12345; 136.7pts) extended his win streak to 3W as he took down Havi (PapiCoop; 113.86pts) and ended the week with the third-highest score. If everyone had started their strongest lineup, Mosko would’ve leapfrogged Paul (helloimpaul; 6-2) to 1st-place on PF. Instead, the top 4 remains the same as last week, as Blue (blueballs; 5-3) and Will (Leaping Jesters; 5-3) find winning ways again to separate the foursome by only one win.
Erik (Kristina Perdue; 4-4) jumps up three places into the playoff picture for the first time this season as Nic (Dickless Cameltoe; 4-4)’s win over a battered and bruised Milo (EvianDon; 4-4) helps me jump the playoff line for only the second time this season.
A fun belated fact — last week was the sole week so far this season that only one manager scored less than 100pts (blueballs; 75.14pts). It’s stuff like that that keeps me going and makes me hard.