WHEN PAUL GOES HIGH, WILL GOES LOW
A new league-lowest is tallied in an overall dreadful week for fantasy football… for everyone but Paul.
As always, I’m your faggy, albeit slightly belated, completely neutral statman Nicholas Hamilton. Let’s wrap up Week 6 of Waxball 2025.
HIGHS—MEET LOWS
The average fantasy football score in Week 6 across Sleeper, ESPN, Yahoo and CBS was 81.97pts. So it comes as no surprise that half of our Waxball managers scored within 15pts of that, including Will Price and the Leaping Jesters (70.3pts), who put up the lowest total of any team this season by 8.42pts. Will (scoring 144pts last week—more than double this week’s total) also becomes the first manager to have their score doubled by another manager in the same week. He drops off the podium, as second becomes fourth.
Paul (helloimpaul; 179.44pts), fast becoming a manager for the ages, crushed the season-highest score of 171.58pts he himself set two weeks ago. Paul trounced fellow 4-1 manager Blue (blueballs; 109.64pts) as one of only three managers to score above 120pts in Week 6. With Will and Blue failing to get a W, Paul sits atop the table as the only 5-1 manager.
Paul holds the highest PF by over 50pts and the third-highest PA. He is on the longest active win streak in the league with 3W. He started a top 5 player in every position this week, including the week’s best WR in Pickens, third-best WR in JSN, and the week’s best K in Eddy Pineiro. I can’t overstate it, the guy’s a monster.
But he is a ginger. Shows you can’t have it all.
Paul latches onto 11th-place Miles (Daddy Campbell; 2-4) in Week 7, as Will aims to bounce back against fellow 4-2 manager Mosko (fantasyboy12345; 3rd).
MISSED OPPORTUNITIES
I get it. Life gets busy, things come up, fantasy football takes a backseat. You just hope that your misses don’t screw your weeks and set you up for calendar duties. Unfortunately, two managers fell to complacency this week.
Sam (mistahbigdick; 89.2pts), plagued by bye weeks and injuries, started Chuba Hubbard, who missed his second consecutive week with a calf injury. Sam ended up losing his week by 3.74pts, as Mosko (fantasyboy12345; 92.94pts) squeaked out a win despite putting up less than 130pts for only the second time this season. If Sam had fielded any of the top 10 waiver wire RBs this week, the 3.74pt difference would’ve been made up, and he would’ve taken the W.
Christian (Steeler Virginity; 95.9pts) had a similar week, failing to swap out his QB and RB before the 6:30am PT London game, a move that would’ve granted him an extra 45.58pts and smashed his opponent Nic (Dickless Cameltoe; 122.98pts) by almost 20pts. When asked about his choices, Christian said “i just haven’t been on my game” and “it’s been mayhem over at les mis, rehearsals and put ins for the last 4 weeks 😭”. He’ll hope to dream a dream next week against fellow 2-4 manager Jakob (PapiCoop; 8th).
Call it the headline curse, but since MISTAHBIGDICK SWUNG IT AROUND in Week 1, Sam has put up an average of 103.94pts, including two scores in the bottom three of the week. He falls to 7th and will look to climb back into the playoff picture against 5th-place Milo (EvianDon; 4-2) in Week 7.
SUDDENLY MILO
Despite holding the lowest PF in the top half of the league by almost 40pts, Milo (EvianDon; 4-2)’s win takes him to 5th-place amongst the league’s heaviest-hitters. One of only three managers to score over 120pts this week, he crushed Will by 57.34pts to extend his win streak to 2W.
It was a good week for Manheim, who put up a statline of 2pts, 1 assist (B. Safdie), 1 block (S. Kaufman), 1 gettingdunkedontoshit (W. Chandler) and 1 critical defensive performance (T. Rizzler) in the Knicks celebrity basketball game AND came away with the fantasy win. What a life.
Milo will aim to continue his good fortune against 7th-place Sam (mistahbigdick; 3-3) in Week 7.
JUSTICE FOR TULSA TRAV
I’m gonna try not to harp on last week’s wrap-up beatdown of Trav (yumyucker; 12th). In a tough week for fantasy, Trav was unable to eke out a win against 11th-place Miles (Daddy Campbell; 2-4), becoming the sole 1-5 manager in the league. Despite Miles’ win, he falls one spot to 11th-place, leapfrogged by Erik (Annalisa Martinez; 4-2) who was able to triumph over her son Jakob (PapiCoop; 2-4).
With Rashee Rice and Ceedee Lamb both likely to return in Week 7, Trav may be due for a bounce back, as he faces a tough opponent in 2nd-place Blue (blueballs; 4-2). Miles will also hope his team finds their feet, as he matches up with league-leader Paul (helloimpaul; 5-1) in Week 7.
Erik will face me (Dickless Cameltoe; 3-3) next week, no doubt becoming my mother in the process.
PODIUM SHUFFLES ONCE AGAIN
As quick as he left, early-season powerhouse Mosko (fantasyboy12345; 4-2) has clambered back onto the podium, as himself and Paul (helloimpaul; 5-1) leapfrog Will (Leaping Jesters; 4-2), leaving him in 4th-place.
Blue (blueballs; 4-2) falls to 2nd after his blowout loss to Paul. Blue holds the league’s highest PA of 131.92pts/wk, making his silver status that much more impressive.
Our top two will face classic trap games next week, as Paul takes on 11th-place Miles (Daddy Campbell; 2-4) and Blue takes on 12th-place Trav (yumyucker; 1-5). 3rd- and 4th-place Mosko and Will face off in what could be the game of the week—one that might come down to byes, with Lamar Jackson sidelined for Will and Mosko’s full (healthy) roster taking the field.